YouTube: The Courage to Disappoint: Breaking the Approval Addiction
Many of us may agree with the scriptural idea that human beings are made in the image and likeness of God. Yet living from that belief can feel difficult. What makes sense intellectually does not always translate into daily experience, and we may sense a gap between the potential we affirm in principle and the reality we live day to day.
That gap is one reason it helps to distinguish between the soul and the self-image. The soul—your true Self—is an expression of God. The way you see yourself (your self-image), however, is shaped by many secondary, body-centered influences such as family, culture, gender, education, and social standing. Spiritual education is the process of closing the distance between this conditioned self-image and our true ground of being: the soul.
One common self-image is the “people-pleaser”—a pattern marked by an intense need for approval and validation. It often shows up as:
- Difficulty expressing personal needs and desires
- Overthinking and worrying about what others think
- Minimizing achievements and brushing aside compliments
From a spiritual point of view, the goal is not to make the self-image more pleasing or acceptable to others. As Jesus observed, it does little good to gain the world at the cost of losing sight of the soul (Matthew 16:26). In other words: what do you gain by winning others’ approval if you lose self-acceptance in the process?
This is not an invitation to trade low self-esteem for an “in-your-face,” bulldozing personality. Rather, the most substantial catalyst for positive change is soul-level self-discovery. The need to please others is often the result of trying to live a meaningful life while making that life contingent on others’ approval.
When Jesus taught, “Seek first the kingdom, and all else will be added,” he was pointing to the importance of being true to yourself. Notice when you drift from that aim, and gently return to the truth of who and what you are. You may not please everyone—but you can become a steady presence and a genuine pleasure to yourself.
J Douglas Bottorff 